I am also going to have to figure out something about dates for these entries, at the moment any date or time is meaningless, as we have no way of measuring time, an annoying problem but of minimal importance at this time. I am going to try to sleep now, as it has been a hell of a long time since I last did and now at least I know I wont asphyxiate in my sleep. Fifth Entry After TranslationToday Captain Adrian Lannerman and Drive Specialist Emily Stewart died, they gave their lives trying to save the rest of us and knowing full well the risks. They died with their eyes open to those risks and if this information ever reaches Earth, I pray that their actions are recognised for the heroism it was.Yes, The Skipper and Em' are gone, they were trying to disconnect the Stellar Drive and there was some form of discharge. I can't believe it happened and my mind wont come to terms with the fact that The Skipper has gone. Yes I am upset about Emily, she was a good friend and one of the best. When I got older, I realized that church wasn’t for me, what with various beliefs and doctrines, so I stopped going. I finally settled on that I believe that there is SOMETHING out there, but not ‘God’ as he/she was presented to me when I was a child. Some part of my brain just couldn’t handle all of the crap that was served to me on the silver platter that was organized religion. So, here I am without something to believe in when, apparently, I need something. I’ve thought about medication for anxiety. I’ve talked to my doctor and read through the effects and side-effects. I don’t think meds are the answer. It’s the worst at night. I go to bed, feeling very peaceful, and then something happens to trigger thoughts of death in my mind and if I’m lucky, I can get rid of them. Other nights, they stay there at the front of my mind, so that no matter what I think about or if I get out of bed to do something else, they’re still there. Even trying to write doesn’t help because I’m too tired.
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